Inner Peace

LETTING GO: THE SECRET TO INNER PEACE

In life, we all face situations that bring us pain.

Often, this pain is not from the situation itself, but from our attachment to certain ideas, people, or outcomes.

This attachment can create unnecessary suffering, leaving us feeling lost, hurt, or disappointed. The key to overcoming this suffering is simple yet powerful: learning to let go.

What is Attachment?

Attachment happens when we emotionally invest in something or someone, expecting them to meet our desires or behave in a certain way.

For example, we might expect a friend to always be kind, a job to be secure, or life to go according to our plans. When these expectations aren’t met, we feel hurt.

Our minds get stuck in the disappointment, and this is where suffering begins.

Why Does Attachment Hurt Us?

Imagine holding onto a rope tightly. At first, it feels secure, but if the rope begins to pull away, the tighter you hold, the more it hurts.

This is how attachment works. When we cling to something—a person, a situation, or an expectation—and it starts to change or slip away, we experience pain. This is because nothing in life stays the same. People change, circumstances shift, and things don’t always go as planned.

By holding on too tightly, we fight the natural flow of life. Instead of accepting change, we resist it, and this resistance creates suffering.

Letting go is the opposite of holding on. Letting go is making yourself open, receptive, free and flexible. That is how it is in a physical sense, and that is also how it is in a psychological sense in, say, personal development, self help and self improvement.

Holding on is being contracted, closed, inaccessible, locked and inflexible. When you are holding on to something, then you are using energy and attention. What you can do besides holding on is quite limited.

This is true both physically (e.g. when you are holding on to something with your hand) and psychologically (e.g. when you are holding on to something mentally, emotionally or in some other way … it might be an unpleasant feeling or thought, some expectation, or a limiting belief).

Holding on is tiring, it is inflexible and pretty soon being so tensed up becomes unpleasant.

Letting go is relaxing. When you let go of something you stop using energy. You make a decision, you relax, and then you are no longer using energy. It is easy and pleasant and you now have the possibility of freely and flexibly using your resources as you please.

Letting go is allowing everything to be the way it is. Allowing yourself to be the way you are.

A Practical Example of Letting Go

Try grabbing something with your hand

…anything that will not break when you hold on to it or let it go (it might be a pen, your keys or your clothes). Hold on to it. Hold on REAL tight. Can you feel how your hand is contracting, how you are using energy? How your attention is preoccupied with the thing you are holding on to, and with holding on in itself?

You could do other things while you are holding on, you could probably cook a meal if you really wanted to, but you would not be able to fully use both hands and neither would you be able to use 100 percent of your attention on cooking, because if you did, you would automatically let go. When you are holding on you are locked, limited. inner peace

Now, try letting go of the thing you are holding on to.

Having let go, please consider: What did you do to let go? Not very much, huh? What you did was actually just this: You decided to let go and then you relaxed.

That is what letting go is. Now, that you have let go, can you feel how you no longer need to use energy? How you no longer need to pay attention to holding on? How you are now free to use you hand for something else? inner peace

That is what happens when you let go. When you have let go you have actually reverted to your natural state of being. This is what it feels like to be you when you are not exerting yourself. Everything you have just demonstrated to yourself is true, both on the physical plane and on the psychological plane.

What We Really Want in Life

Apart from surviving physically, what is it that we really want in life? It is not money, social status or material things. No, in fact it is much simpler than that. What we really want is this: A pleasant feeling inside and inner peace.

That is it. It is as simple as that. We want to feel good. We want to feel happy. Other words for the same thing might be: love, joy, inner peace or feeling whole/complete. Letting go is the quickest and most direct way Home to a state of being where we feel whole, joyful, happy, loving and at peace. That is: A pleasant feeling inside. inner peace

What You Can Let Go Of

You can let go of anything that you are holding on to. Everything that you are using energy and attention on. Everything that has you locked down or that is limiting you. This includes: thoughts, feelings, habits, needs, beliefs and more.

Do you have a bad habit? Maybe you eat too much candy and ice cream. You can let go of that habit.

Do you hold a grudge, or feel shame, about something that happened years ago? Maybe you were hurt, or you hurt somebody. You can let go of those feelings. Are you afraid of heights, water or spiders? Or are you afraid of not having enough money, love or security? You can let go of that fear and that mistrust. inner peace

Do you hold a belief or faith which no longer serves you? Maybe you believe that there is You can let go of those feelings. Are you afraid of heights, water or spiders? Or are you afraid of not having enough money, love or security? You can let go of that fear and that mistrust. inner peace

Do you hold a belief or faith which no longer serves you? Maybe you believe that there is something wrong with you or with the world. You can let go of those beliefs. And so on … Anything you have picked up, and which is now limiting you, you can let go of.

How Do You Know It Is Time to Let Go?

In one sentence: When you feel any kind of unpleasantness or discomfort. You can consider unpleasantness or discomfort a clear sign that it is time to let go.

What Happens When You Let Go
Like I said, when you let go, you free yourself. You stop being locked down. You stop using energy and attention. You relax. You revert to your natural state of being. You feel more whole, happy, loving and at peace because those feelings ARE your natural state of being. Letting go is very, very attractive. inner peace

Will You Lose What You Are Holding On to?

In a word: no. It is a very common fear, though. But you need not worry. Letting go and losing something are two completely different things. They have nothing to do with each other. What happens is actually quite the opposite. When you let go of something you become free to choose. At any time you may choose the thing you were holding on to.

Example: Letting Go of a Grudge Let us say that you were holding on to an old grudge. Because of this grudge, you had a feeling of hating another person. Even if you let go of your grudge and stop hating the other person, you can still start hating the other person again any time you choose. But you no longer HAVE to hate the other person. You have lost nothing, butgained your freedom. inner peace

What You Cannot Let Go of

Is there something that you cannot let go of? Yes, there is. Unconditional love, happiness, joy and inner peace are what I call absolutely real, so you cannot let go of those. (Absolute reality is the very attractive state of mind where you end up when you let completely go of something. I will tell you more about that another time).

All of the above things you can NOT let go of. But on the other hand they do not limit you in any way. And also, there is no reason to let them go, for they give you a very pleasant feeling inside.

So, to put it differently: You can let go of anything that limits you. That which does not limit you, you cannot let go of. Or, to put it in a further different way.

If you can let go of it, you do not really need it. So feel free to try and let go of ANYTHING. You cannot go wrong. inner peace

Preparations for Letting Go

First, you need to notice that when it comes to stuff that you really feel is important you will probably be very reluctant to let go. This is why I recommend that you start with small, not-so-important stuff.

Maybe you experience an unpleasant thought which is not very important to you. Then you can practice your letting go skills by letting go of this thought. inner peace

When you have become reasonably adept at letting go of not-so-important thoughts, you move on to not-so-important feelings.

After that, move on to more important thoughts and feelings. Letting go of thoughts and feelings should keep you occupied for quite some time.

The Role of the Ego

The ego is the part of us that constantly wants to feel special, loved, and secure. It craves attention and control, pushing us to compare ourselves to others, seek validation, or fear failure.

Get Shivam Bhamre’s stories in your inbox

Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.

Remember me for faster sign in

But the ego can also mislead us. It creates an illusion that we must have things a certain way to be happy. When things don’t go as the ego expects, it leads to feelings of anger, jealousy, or sadness.

The ego keeps us trapped in a cycle of wanting more, never feeling truly satisfied. This is why letting go of our ego’s demands is so important for finding inner peace.

How Letting Go Brings Peace

When we let go of our attachments and ego-driven desires, we stop resisting life.

Instead of holding tightly to how we think things should be, we accept them as they are. This doesn’t mean we stop caring or trying—it means we stop expecting things to always go our way and not able to find inner peace

Letting go allows us to live in the present moment. We become less focused on what should happen and more aware of what is happening right now. This shift in perspective brings a sense of peace because we are no longer battling against life. We are flowing with it.

Practical Steps to Letting Go

Observe Your Thoughts: Pay attention to when you feel upset or disappointed. Ask yourself, "What expectation or attachment is causing this feeling?"

Accept Change: Understand that everything changes—people, situations, and emotions. Instead of resisting, embrace the fact that life is always evolving.

Release the Ego: Recognize when your ego is pushing you to compare, control, or demand validation. Remind yourself that you don’t need these things to feel complete.

Stay Present: Focus on the present moment. Let go of worries about the future or regrets about the past. What matters most is what you are doing right now.

Practice Gratitude: Be thankful for what you have instead of focusing on what you lack. Gratitude helps shift your mindset from attachment to appreciation.

Conclusion

Letting go is about freeing yourself from the weight of expectations and attachments that no longer serve you.

When you release the need to control everything, you make space for peace, joy, and personal growth. Life becomes lighter, and challenges are easier to face because you are no longer holding on too tightly.

Remember, everything in life is temporary. By letting go, you allow yourself to live fully in the present and experience life as it comes. This simple shift can transform the way you experience the world, bringing more happiness and peace into your life and the lives of those around you.